The Lover's Dictionary by David Levithan

Arrears, n

My faithfulness was as unthinking as your lapse. Of all the things I thought would go wrong. I never thought it would be that.

" It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.


Dissonance, n

Nights when I need to sleep and you can't. Days when I want to talk and you won't. Hours when every noise you make interferes with my silence. Weeks when there is a buzzing in the air, and we both pretend we don't hear it.

Fraught, adj

Does every " I love you" deserve an " I love you too"? Does every kiss deserve a kiss back? Does every night deserve to be spent on a lover?
If the answer to any of these is "No", what do we do?

Gravity, n

I imagine you saved my life. And then I wonder if I'm just imagining it.

Placid, adj

Sometimes I love it when we just lie on our backs, gaze off, stay still.

Quixotic, adj

Finally, I said "It's over."
You started to cry, and I quickly said, "No ---- I mean this part is over. We have to get to the next part."
And you said "I'm not sure we can."

Reservation, n

There are times when I worry that I've already lost myself. That is, that my self is so inseparable from being with you that if we were to separate, I would no longer be. I save this thought for when I feel the darkest discontent. I never meant to depent so much on someone else.

Solipsistic, adj

Go ahead, I thought. Go ahead, Go ahead. I got stuck there. Go ahead. Go ahead. Because I genuinely couldn't see anything after that.

Tenet, n

At the end of the French movie, the lover sings " Love me less, but love me for a long time."